Isolation from the Outside World
Think about the people who were part of your life when you first got involved in your particular group or organization. You may have had family members, friends, acquaintances, all of whom were part of the network of relationships in your life.
Are those people still part of your life now?
One of the hallmarks of a cult-like or high-control group is that the group will slowly but surely pull you away from your other relationships, until the only people to whom you really feel connected are the other members of the group. It’s one of the most powerful aspects of keeping people stuck in the situation and one of the most difficult barriers to overcome on your way to freedom.
At the time, it may have made sense. It may have been framed as growth, or loyalty, or spiritual protection. Looking back now, it may feel confusing or painful to realize how much distance has developed between you and the people with whom you were once close.
“It Didn’t Feel Like Isolation at First”
Most people don’t join a group intending to cut off the people they love.
The shift happens in small ways. You start spending more time with the group. You feel excited about what you’re doing there, and you want to invest more time with people who understand. You begin filtering what you share with family because they don’t get it. They criticize, they judge, they worry, they aren’t really listening.
Gradually, outside relationships start to feel draining or tense or uncomfortable. Inside the group feels simpler, safer – but the psychological effect of this shift is to slowly isolate you within a social echo chamber where everyone is saying the same thing. And when the group narrative is undiluted by any other perspective, almost anything can be made to sound reasonable.
When Loved Ones Become “The Problem”
Many former group members describe a turning point when concern from family was reframed by the group leadership as opposition.
A parent’s worry became “control.”
A partner’s questions became “negativity.”
A friend’s skepticism became “jealousy” or “fear.”
By the time this happens, individuals are already deeply invested in the group, and questioning the motives of the other people in their lives creates internal conflict. Whether or not the reframe feels entirely fair or accurate in that first moment, it can still feel easier to pull away from the people and the relationships creating the tension.
This doesn’t mean you stopped loving them. More often it’s just a way to stay safe within the system you are or were in.
In the Aftermath of Leaving the Group
If you’ve left, you might be trying to sort through a confusion of different emotions. You might feel embarrassed about how much distance developed, afraid to reconnect, unsure how to explain what happened, angry at yourself and/or at them, or simply overwhelmed by trying to figure out what to do.
If you’ve reached out to any of the people who were once a close part of your life, you may also notice that reconnecting feels really hard. The relationship may feel fragile, the trust on both sides cautious.
That’s normal.
When a group becomes your entire social world, leaving the group can feel like a free fall with no idea how or where you will land, and trying to navigate a relationship with someone who has not been part of that experience is uncharted territory.
Rebuilding Without Shame
Part of recovery involves understanding the mechanisms of isolation - not to make excuses, but to gain perspective and reduce self-blame.
Isolation in high-control systems is deliberate. Your relational world is intentionally narrowed so that the group becomes your primary source of identity and safety.
There is no shame in being influenced by a dynamic that is intended to influence you.
On the other hand, when you do reach the moment of recognition, it takes tremendous courage to allow yourself to look and to truly see where you are and what’s going on around you.
Have you reached that moment? What will you do next?
Ready to Talk?
Therapy can provide a space to:
· Untangle what happened
· Process grief and anger
· Rebuild your sense of independent thinking
· Navigate reconnection with family or friends (if you choose to)
· Establish boundaries moving forward
Recovery isn’t about going back to who you were before. It’s about integrating your experience as part of the group and reclaiming your autonomy on the far side of that experience – and it helps to have support along the way.
If you’re ready to begin - or even if you’re just considering it - I invite you to schedule a consultation to see if we’re a good fit.